Who are you?

Sitting here, I have no real idea about what I’m about to say, about to type. I can just feel it bubbling up inside of me.

How unbelievable it is, that so many people, are so unhappy with their lives. Who keep playing the roles they have always played. Who get up day after day and do the same thing that makes them groan because they simply can’t stand it anymore. But they keep going. Why?

Take a moment to think about the roles you play in your life. You’re a friend, a daughter/son, a wife/husband, an employee, a boss, a volunteer, a parent, a sister/brother. Now think for a moment how you behave in each situation. In all of them you become a part of yourself, and not one of those parts is exactly the same as the others. Each one a fragment of a whole, and what you aren’t even aware of, is that wholeness.

You are whole. But society, family, friends, culture, everything around us, teaches us that there is an acceptable way to be, in each situation, in which we become a fragment of the wholeness that we are.

Today, I sit here writing this because I am no longer able to continue. I can no longer be who I have been, with each person in my life, small fragments of myself that perform a role, and seem whole to those who witness them. It’s simply not me. My spirit is bright, it runs far and wide and is endless. I am not as good as my last project, as wonderful as my children behave or as pretty as my last photo in that oh-so-fabulous lighting.

I am everything at once. I am so many pieces of a whole. I am the small child who looked at the world and thought it was terrifying one moment and exhilarating the next. I am the mother who loves and adores her children and at the same time wishes for some peace and quiet. I am the person who has been pleasing everyone in my life, except for myself, for my entire life.

And why?

No one asked me to do this. It’s something we’re conditioned to do from the moment we are born. We don’t know any better, and everyone is only doing the best they can with what they know; teaching each other how to be in the world.

That’s why it’s so important to keep learning, keep questioning. Not only about the world and the people in it, but about yourself. Have you sat down and asked yourself if you are truly happy? Does writing that essay, making that sale or creating that kick-arse spreadsheet really light you up? Does your soul get excited and jump out of your chest because it simply can’t get enough of what you’re creating?

Everything is energy. If you don’t have energy, and if you don’t feel joy, then you are missing something. No one can tell you what that is. It isn’t going to go away if you buy a new house, a new car or get a promotion. That might make you feel better for a moment but then you come back to the emptiness inside. Because your soul does not care about any of these things. It’s just something you’ve been told is important. And for the longest time you believed it.

But deep down you know better, don’t you?

My wish for you is joy.