If I died today

It’s been on my mind the last few days. If I died today, would I feel like I showed the world who I was.

Did I live authentically and let people know who I truly am?

Not the mother me.

Not the daughter me

Not the sister me.

Not the wife me.

Not the friend me.

Not the colleague me.

The real me. The authentic me.

The answer is no. If I died today, the world wouldn’t know the true essence of me.

See I’ve been writing this blog for one year, on and off, and I wanted to write it for about two years before that. And now I’m writing it, and I’ve only told a few people about it.


Because I’m scared.

Hello fear.

Fear of being seen.

Fear of being heard.

Fear of being judged.

Fear of being criticized.

Fear of being rejected.

Fear of disapproval.

Fear fear fear.

So the question.

How the hell do I get rid of it?

And the truth is I don’t know.

Here’s another question.

What is the cost of not being my authentic self?

I tell you what. It’s freaking huge.

It brings me sickness.

It brings me sadness.

It brings me pain.

It brings me anger.

It brings me frustration.

The sorrow is quite simply unexplainable. And it’s excruciating.

So, the time has come.

To really be me.

To say who I am.

To say what I think.

To share my wisdom.

To be brave and unashamedly myself.

The road from the old you, to the new you (but really it’s the road to the old you, if you know what I mean) is a relentless and exhausting one.

There are hills, there are holes, there are dark places and there are light places. There are deep breaths, there are shallow breaths… there are tears and there is joy.

It’s all part of the journey, part of the energy, part of the learning.

It doesn’t mean it’s easy.

But I think we owe it to ourselves, to be wholeheartedly and vivaciously the soul essence we truly are.

The light is on.

It’s time to turn it up.

With hope, love and faith,