When life feels inconvenient

So, as one of my favourite spiritual teachers (Marianne Williamson) says – the Universe is both self-organising and self-correcting. There are destiny (destination) points along the way, and if we miss them through the power of our own free will, the Universe re-routes the GPS and sends us on an alternative route, back to where we were going.

Knowing this takes the pressure off a little bit, sure we might get too much in our heads and stuff up, but the Universe has our back and will always point us in the right direction. Essentially we just need to get out of the way and allow it to happen…we simply need clear intentions, presence and an open heart. Often we need to stop thinking too.

I’ve been reflecting on this a little bit, well actually a lot, lately. You see, if we’re really heading in the wrong direction, the Universe lovingly sends us wake up calls, and the less we pay attention, the bigger they get.

When I was 17 I was in a car accident, the car was totalled, but I walked free. I hobbled a little but honestly, it’s amazing I wasn’t critically injured or dead. At 30 I had another car accident, probably not quite as dramatic as the first, yes the car was totalled and I walked out of it (it did entail intensive physio for my neck and my shoulder), but still…. I know I was being watched over that day.

You might be wondering what the Universe was trying to wake me up to, and to be honest I’m not sure yet, but I do know that it was simply not my time, and I was given two second chances. Because my work here is not done.

I was on the wrong path, I wasn’t listening to the little whispers and the Universe really, lovingly, wanted me to wake up and listen.

Stay with me now… this may seem like a different thread but I feel they are connected so I am going to continue on here.

For a very long time, over 20 years, I’ve felt like I’ve been in a battle with my body. One that seemingly never stays well for long, doesn’t behave how it’s meant to, one that doesn’t respond to my ultra-clean diet, meditation and yoga-loving ways. So I was thinking, what if despite my good intentions, I’m not actually LISTENING TO IT, and it’s trying to tell me stuff… just like the Universe does when you aren’t listening to it.

So you see, I’m a real do-er, and a take control-er and an I can do everything-standing-on-my-head-need-help-just-ask-er. I’m known to take on too much, do too many things at once, achieve them all and fall in a heap. A big heap. The kind of heap that needs a couple of weeks in bed. Not all that practical with essentially working full time, running a house with two small children and trying to study two different courses at once. I know. I’m exhausted just writing it.

But back to my point. I have not been listening to my body. When it’s tired, I haven’t let it sleep because I need to get up at 5am and do my yoga in the morning (notice I said need, not really a good feeling is it? To need to do something…. sounds like a to-do list really). Someone rings and asks me for help, my default answer is yes of course what can I do? My friends decide to go out for dinner or a drink, and I think I really should go because I haven’t seen them for ages, but I’m really tired and all I want to do is go to bed at 8pm, just like my kids.

I’ve done this my entire life. In my teens it was saying no to social outings and rest because I had to study or stick to my strict gym routine. There was no balance and there were always signs from my body it was tired.

Around the age of 15 I developed chemical sensitivities to things like shampoo, hand soap (yes I know SLS) and sunscreen. My body was showing me something wasn’t right, but I wasn’t listening. I didn’t slow down. Then it became chemical sensitivities, food sensitivities, recurrent illness, chronic fatigue and the list goes on.

These kinds of things are REALLY inconvenient, and to be honest, I ignored most of them unless my body really screamed at me to get my attention; kind of like the Universe was screaming when I wrapped myself around a tree in the car accident when I was 17.

The thing is, when you ignore things because they don’t fit in with how you decided the world should work, how your world should work, you end up in that heap I keep talking about. Being tired, needing rest, not going out to have a drink and socialise, saying no; these are all things that don’t fit in with how I decided my world should work and how I should be in that world.

So when I have friends going out, and I’m too tired to go, but I say yes, I wake up the next morning sick. Temperatures, lethargy, you name it, yes it happens. It’s happened often enough (when I know I should have stayed home in bed, not every time I go out) that I would feel comfortable betting on it. It’s sad isn’t it.

So I’ve realised, literally in the last couple of days, that I have been ignoring my body and the Universe for most of my life, because what it’s trying to tell me is INCONVENIENT based on what I’ve decided my body and life should be.

Shit.

(Some of you might be saying, der, Lauren! I know right, it’s taken a while to get the message)

So that’s it! I’m done! I’m done knowing what my life should look like, what I should be doing in it, how I should be feeling both emotionally and physically, how I should feel about my relationships. I am done.

Done done done. And wow it feels good!

I am no longer going to ignore what I have deemed as inconvenient. These inconvenient things are trying to tell me that I’M GETTING IT WRONG.

Yes, me writing this post is me admitting to myself and the Universe that I have been getting it wrong, I’ve been standing in the dark side of my ego thinking that I was right (and bless you if you ever tried to convince me otherwise, I’m sure I was a cow about it). I’m ready to say I was wrong, I’m ready to eat humble-pie and I am soooooooo ready to listen.

I AM READY TO LISTEN. I am ready to listen to the Universe, and I am ready to listen to my body.

Damn that feels good.

I sit here with a hopeful heart that my words have sparked something in you, that helps you listen to what you need to hear.

With clear intentions, presence and an open heart,
Lauren