When I was little, I remember having a very strong stance on judgement, and I argued my point of view with adults and whoever else cared to have the discussion.
I felt very strongly, that it was COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE to judge someone, because you had no idea what was in their head. How could you know?
How do you know that when you both agree something is blue, that they aren’t seeing that blue the way you see red? How do you know? We all have different lenses, and we label everything we can… but do we actually see everything exactly the same way that each other does? Nope. I don’t believe so. It’s all relative.
I remember being very concerned when people would label someone as depressed, overly sensitive, stand off-ish, arrogant, stuck-up, non-caring or any other type of box we put each other into.
How do you know what happened to that person this morning? Last week? Last month? Last year? Maybe they lost their job, a loved one, or a dream they have had forever has been squashed. Maybe they stand back because they have been taunted, teased and made to feel that they aren’t worthy, that they aren’t enough… maybe they are scared you’ll treat them the same way too. Maybe they are hiding so they don’t get hurt. Maybe they hurt you because they are avoiding being hurt themselves. I know it sounds a bit f’d up, but it’s true. How do you know?
Being empathic and highly sensitive I do get overwhelmed with emotions, mine or otherwise. When I was little I could feel the way people acted was out of hurt or fear, and they weren’t intentionally ‘bad’. This fueled my arguments about judgement, and is why a lot of people couldn’t understand what I was talking about. They couldn’t see or feel it like I could.
At the very core of our being we all have a need of love and acceptance. To know we are enough and are worthy. To know we have a place on this earth and a reason for living. We all come into the world with love in our eyes and our hearts, but somewhere along the way we lose the spark and we start to judge and criticize; ourselves and each other. We spiral, we hurt people. We don’t know how to be ourselves and be completely at peace with who we are.
If we wait for other people to approve of us, we will never truly be at peace. They see us through their own lens, which most of the time is coloured by hurt, pain and fear.
It starts with us, it starts with you.
The way forward is with compassion and a strong sense of self. Know who you are. Know what your values are. Know what you stand for and believe in. Know that you are perfectly imperfect, and that is enough.
Stop trying to fix yourself.
And when you see someone else, see them and their behaviours through the lens of compassion. Remember that we all have that need to be loved and accepted. Remember that it isn’t always possible to know what they have been through, what they are thinking, what they fear.
Choose compassion over judgement.
It doesn’t mean you need to be friends, or like everybody, you don’t have to hang out with them either… if you simply leave your judgement at the door and choose compassion instead, they will be attacked one time less. (Like it or not we all throw energetic daggers at times).
If we all do this little by little, more and more… eventually our guards will come down, because the energies that hurt us won’t exist anymore.
Here’s to peace,