Often when we try and make someone feel better, we tell them why their situation is actually good, or perhaps we slip gratitude into the conversation because they should be ‘grateful’. There is always a worse situation isn’t there?
The result?
Guilt and shame.
It’s not that we’re trying to hurt them, we’re actually trying to help them. The problem is, when the human in front of you is sitting in a well of emotion, trying to help in this way makes them feel as though what they are experiencing and feeling in this moment is not valid. Unknowingly we are making them feel worse, much worse, and incredibly alone (and if you think about it, you probably do this to yourself A LOT too).
(I have done this myself in the past, many times. But now I know better, so now I do better, and I continue to evolve on my human journey just like all of you.)
Don’t get me wrong, gratitude is certainly the best attitude and to become a state of being it does need to be practiced on a regular basis. Having completed studies in gratitude practices I know how hard it was to cultivate the habit. Initially it is something that you must focus on and practice regularly (every day) in order for it to sink in and become more of a ‘default setting’, and even then you still need times of refocus and attention.
Everything you are feeling and experiencing in this moment is valid.
Yes, this too shall pass.
Yes, every storm runs out of rain.
Yes, there are people worse off than you.
There will always be someone who is better off. There will always be someone who is worse off.
It actually has nothing to do with YOUR experience.
No, I’m not advocating victimhood and flailing about like the world is going to end.
Yes, I am advocating for you to bear witness, honour and deeply feel all of the emotion running through you.
Because if you don’t let it run through you, and you try to ‘positivity’ it away, it just ends up being stuck in you.
When our feelings can’t flow, when our emotions don’t go, the stream becomes blocked and we create an environment that welcomes physical, mental and emotional illness. Dis-ease.
There is no such thing as spiritual bypassing, or love and lighting sh*t away.
If there is a mountain of pain crushing your humanity to the ground, the only way up is through.
And the only way through is –
To feel everything you feel, without judgement.
To forgive yourself for feeling like you lost your hope, your way or even your mind.
To know that everything in your sphere has a right to be felt, to be seen, to be heard.
If you surrender, I promise it will move, and the sun will shine again.
Be an empathic witness to yourself, and to those around you.
Your experience is valid, their experience is valid.
Two people may be enduring the same challenging circumstances, and it may feel so much worse for one than the other.
It is all relative, it is all perspective.
It’s a big old mix of our genetics, our ancestry, our culture, our Religion, our environment, our conditioning, our place in society, our peers, our self esteem, our Trauma, our past lives, our healing work, our self development work and probably 100 more things that I don’t even know about.
We are all a soup of immeasurable energy. Nothing is in equal parts.
We are each unique.
We each have our perspective.
We each have our human experience.
Everything in your experience is important. Every feeling you have deserves attention.
And the best part is, the more we allow the emotions to flow, the quicker they move and the quicker we grow.
So, as I sit here with an energetic hand on my heart,
I witness your journey, your pain and your world falling apart.
Feeling it all and loving it through,
Lauren
lovejoybe.com 